Diary of an Anxious Mind Week 4: You are what you eat!

Entry 4:  You Are What You Eat!

Forgive me if I seem a little jittery today.  Apparently it’s withdrawal symptoms caused by our new sugar free diet.  My week has been reduced to gibbering misery and I am convinced that the experts are correct – sugar is not a ‘life giving force’; it is a drug!  We crave it and we behave badly when we are caught in its cycle.  We encourage others to engage in its consumption and we refer to ourselves as being ‘bad’ when we have too much.  Crucially, as with all drug addicts, we wail and beg when it is taken away from us.

I read somewhere that my body would ‘thank me’ for embarking on this healthy path.  In reality, my body seems to be absolutely bloody furious about it.  My soul is tortured; my eyes are like saucers and, whilst I can’t see the axe sticking out of my head, I can certainly feel it!

The inner peace that comes with giving up sugar!

The atmosphere at home is tense.  There is an unusual air of mistrust between Hubby and I because both of us suspect that the other has been cheating.  Granted, it was me who started it by accusing him of foul play.  He dismissed me with a flick of the hand and an animated gesture towards the kitchen cupboards.  His point being that, having watched me empty the house of every last grain of sugar, there was nothing left with which to cheat.  I merely snapped back that I was not his keeper and that he had plenty scope for drinking a bottle of maple syrup ‘on the outside’.

In response, he stated that I had the same opportunity for a secret sugar binge but I merely highlighted my current suffering – clearly brought about by my strict adherence to the sugar ban.  In injured tones, he asked why I thought he had strayed and I admitted that my suspicions were based solely on the fact that he is showing no physical symptoms of sugar withdrawal.  No headaches, no shaking and no endless lament about how badly he wants a doughnut.  Given that I am prepared to leap from the window to end my agony, I find his painless transition to a sugar free life, very hard to take – or to believe.

Perhaps it is just the green monster that is spoiling our relationship this week. Despite me looking ‘knowingly’ at him with narrowed eyes, I do trust Hubby to stick with the plan because he has always been incredibly supportive and co-operative with any of my mad ideas.  I think I am simply jealous that he is finding it so easy and that, if anything, he is even more enthusiastic about giving up sugar than I am.

As an example, he skipped off to the shops and returned with a variety of ingredients and a programme of ‘delicious but healthy’ recipes.  I have always found the notion of such recipes to be something of an oxymoron but, yet again, he has proved me wrong. He has baked butternut squash muffins which are spicy rather than sweet – they are mouth watering.  He has blended avocado and coconut milk to make a bizarre, but yummy, ice cream! And, my goodness, we even have a tray of sugar free chocolates in the fridge – made from butter, raw cacoa powder, desiccated coconut and shredded lime rind – scrumptious!

No sugar? No problem!

What an amazing man; an unbelievable sweetheart.  I have tried to match his love and skill with my own delectable sugar free dishes, but I am floundering.  My paprika roasted almonds were ‘OK’ but they did not have any paprika on them because it all dropped off after roasting.  Don’t ask about my Sprout Curry because I have nothing to say – it went straight in the bin.  And what about my pumpkin seed cereal?  Fine if you like charcoal in the morning.

With desperation, I fell upon the fail-safe dish of the sugar free world – Hummus.  This merely brought myself and Hubby closer to the brink of separation when he returned from the supermarket with dried chickpeas instead of the tinned ones I requested.  I accused him of being the only person in the world who didn’t know that dried chickpeas are a shitty, irritating ingredient to work with.  He questioned their popularity and widespread availability but I dismissed this and suggested that the dried chickpea market was reliant on ‘first time buyers’ who did not know any better (which of course is complete fabrication).

Well, despite suffering from Anxiety, I am still an optimist and, indeed, it is this drive for something better that often keeps me going.  In this case I decided to work with what I had and to use the ingredients at hand.   I soaked the dang things overnight, I simmered them with the timer set for 90 minutes thus losing all value for money with the cost of electricity. I kept a lid on my frustration by fussing with the rest of the ingredients and getting the blender ready.

Do yourself a favour – go and buy the tinned version instead!

If only I had focused on that instead of leaving the kitchen to engage in some final whining about dried chickpeas being a b*stard. Maybe then, I would have noticed that the water in the pot was running dry instead of being alerted to this fact by the smoke alarm.

A casual observer would have concluded that my consequent rage about spoiled hummus was ‘disproportionate’.  I would have to disagree.  Under the circumstances, I now know that the first few days of a sugar free life are mentally unstable and dangerous.

I won’t be thwarted though – I will merely seek calm in another form.

Next Week – “Detox Foot Pads – Draw Badness Through Your Sole”

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